Burn my skin and drown my dreams
Do it all with just one kiss.
Bend my knees and silence me
Be that knight! Oh, let him be!
Take them off: my sword, my hate,
Tame my demons, change my fate.
Look inside my bloody helmet
Where my skills and secrets stand –
Take my powers, ban the witch,
Bathe my soul in sun and bleach.
Bring me naked to the world
Of my past they’ll speak no word.
Smother me with love and light,
Let me wash your wounds tonight.
Let me lick where I have torn,
Let me do what I have sworn.
Tell me this will never end,
Tell me death isn’t your friend,
Tell me this when you avenge
All I’ve done but could not change.
Make that sword pierce through my soul,
Put that helmet, make that hole.
Love me still, but kill the witch.
We’re the same – ain’t life a b*tch?
My journey was long. Starting from the mind and making my way to the heart of it all. The first days it was hard to detach from the known patterns: I had already been to the venue and had experienced another life-changing workshop. So the Ego was clenching to the safe places in the past, the people I had known, the facilitation I had admired. What resulted was a lot of comparing, criticizing and sometimes just plain resistance to the process.
And then, the heart softened as it traveled in the four directions, discovering its center and the places it needed to find again. This wasn’t just nature any more. The magic reappeared with the eyes of the trees, the friends walking sticks, the wise wild roses, the voices of the birds. Everything had meaning. “Everything was beautiful there and would always stay beautiful there” (Bukowski)
And then the soul came into play and during the solo it connected to some higher form of inspiration that poured poetry, drawings and calligraphy onto paper. My being was not limited to what I knew about myself and my ways of expression, but all that is beyond my definition of myself. I was (re)discovering my own potential. And smiled.
And as the self grew beyond its definition and limits, it truly encountered the other participants and trainers. Although we had met a few days earlier, they hadn’t met me and I hadn’t met them. It was only then that the vulnerable and the possible were part of the dialogue. And everything became significant. Every gesture, word or look was connected to something else in my own being and my response was immediate, traveling with the speed of light, as it didn’t have to pass through any protection walls or masks. Unfiltered, like an indian summer day.
And then the whole process was explained and the pieces of the puzzle linked my mind to my heart and spirit. Everything was silent and clear. And my whole being was just smiling, satisfied. There I was, in a parallel universe that made total sense.
Here I am now, in another universe, wondering how I can give some meaning to it. And as Rilke said, for the moment I will just live the question. My moment will come.
What I have and I will keep a walnut, a bottle of spring water, a little branch with a family of 4 hazelnuts from one garden, Frank the bug, a clay heart, a star leaf with a stanza from Being Human by Naima Penniman, 3 leaves from a community of 4 trees, spiderwebs all around my being that light up whenever someone looks into my heart, allergy pills, vegetarian recipes, scratches from climbing the tree that was guarding our map, muscle pain from Capoeira around the fire, some burnt skin from fire juggling, poems I will learn by heart, the shape of the bodies I have hugged, the color of the hearts I have touched, the stories of a man or a woman who went beyond the threshold, the stories I have not heard, but understood in silence and keep in my heart. The possibilities of us. Oleyo…