First day wandering

Wondering around the forest looking for something meaningful to pick and bring back to the group; a stone a leaf o anything else  to build a collective map on the ground in the middle of the circle. That’s the first activity of the first day of our natural change course in Hungary.

I start to walk up to the hill, then down on a little valley and soon I realize what I wanted to bring back to the group: nothing.

I need emptiness first. I need to create space within myself, to clean my mind, to calm down the confused mix of emotions, to get in connection with the new space which is hosting me.

If I don’t first clean my brain I cannot make the brain working on  new ideas, if I don’t silent my everyday thoughts I cannot think with no prejudice, if I don’t get lighter my shoulders from the daily worries I cannot  sustain the weight of a new challenge.

I see myself walking…and I see my  expectations, fears, anxiety, judgments, curiosity…not, definitely I am not ready. I am not ready  to participate in a collective exercise where everybody provide an input to create something together: Be part in a group dynamic where the purpose is to ignite a sort of deep change in the soul of participants is a big responsibility. Therefore, nothing. Nothing to collect, nothing to think about, just breath, walk and create emptiness in myself.

I proceed down the muddy valley breaking dead wood;  beyond a thorny bush I get in a little cosy sunny spot, few meters free of trees gave space to the sun get into the forest and reveal the result of this magic combination of sunlight, fertile sand and gentle shadow: flowers, violet flowers. Flowers; I was not expecting to see flowers in this moment.

In the forest, down the shade of the trees I was expecting to see stones, little insects, mushrooms, break off trucks, eventually a dead wild animal but I was not thinking of flowers. Among all that green and brown of the forest those violet little dots in the grass where like stars in a cloudy nights guiding the frightened  fishermen. I stay there for a while standing, appreciating the flowers. It was a sign, or better a reminder: whenever you are, whichever are your thoughts, fears or emotions, flowers are there, somewhere around you, unexpected. The first insight of the course I have it there: the  change happens, naturally, when you are aware that flowers are there.

So you might asking why I didn’t put a picture of a flower in this post instead of the one that it is here.

This was a picture taken on my way back to the lodge after the afternoon session , this was the “flower” I saw at the end of the day. What is it? I don’t know, this is still the first day.

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Submitted by Graziano Tullio

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